Entering the Neil Scott multiverse

The perils of vanity searching in an extended comic book universe

Neil Scotts on different paths.

There’s an amazing moment in the most recent Spider-Man where a tear in the fabric of space-time brings the three Peter Parkers from the different series together in the same filmic reality.

Still from Marvel’s Spider-Man: No Way Home (2022)

Usually, we have to suspend our disbelief and pretend that a movie from a couple of years ago plays no part in our understanding of the character. Now, with the multiverse, we can let these independent realities exist in our minds. We still have to forget that all this multiverse stuff is a result of corporate licensing deals rather than artistic necessity, yet for one moment it worked.¹

In a culture dominated by comic book movies, such ideas bleed into reality. I find myself wondering what I’d be doing in a parallel universe where I’d made a different decision about where to live or who to marry.

At the time of writing, the multiverse is still theoretical, but there is a way we can imagine what it might be like, especially if you have a fairly common name. All you need to do is search for yourself online² and then pretend that these are all different versions of yourself who took different paths.

This week, I present the top ten Neil Scotts I’ve come across when doing vanity searches. Here you’ll find a collection that includes musicians, entrepreneurs, criminals, a sumo wrestler, a porn star, and a computer scientist.

1. Neil Scott: Singer of ‘Bobby’

‘Neil Scott’ in his later years as disco supremo ‘Neil E. Bogart’

The most famous Neil Scott is not really a Neil Scott at all. Born Neil Bogatz, he released the song ‘Bobby’ in 1961 under the stage name of Neil Scott. It got to number 58 in Billboard Hot 100, the highest chart position of any Neil Scott. Bogatz stayed in the music industry and became better known Neil E. Bogart, founder of Casablanca Records, home of KIϟϟ, Donna Summer, and The Village People.

Here’s his most famous song, which is a bizarre tale about a girl who goes into a coma pining for a boyfriend.

2. Neil Scott: Computer Scientist

The first Neil Scott on the internet was likely Neil G. Scott from Hawaii University, director of the Archimedes Project:

In 1997, Discover Magazine named Mr Scott as one of the top five innovators in the United States. In 2000 San Francisco Magazine featured Mr Scott as one of the futurists who would shape the way in which we think, live, work and play in the new millennium.

3. Neil Scott: Guitarist in Felt

Neil Scott second left, picture via Untold Hull

We Neil Scotts seem to be blessed with musical talent. This next one is a guitarist who worked with great bands like Felt, Denim, and Everything but the Girl. His current band is called Sleeperman and have a single out this week.

4. Neil Scott: Sumo Wrestler

This Neil Scott appeared as Sully the Sumo in two episodes of Eastenders. He is an actual sumo wrestler who goes by the nickname Nelly.

5. Neil Scott: Adult Entertainer

I am not sure what would have had to happen for me to become a porn actor, but this Neil Scott ended up in a couple of movies.

6. Neil Scott: US Drug Dealer

In 2014, Neil K Scott from Haverford in Pennsylvania was jailed for 5 to 15 years for selling marijuana in posh schools. Is there a male version of Mugshawtys?

7. Neil Scott: UK Drug Dealer

Where the US goes, the UK inevitably follows and in 2016, a Neil Scott from Bathgate in Scotland was jailed for nine years 11 months for selling cocaine and cannabis.

Neil Scott from Bathgate, top left

8. Neil Scott: Lawyer

We’re not all bad. Some of us are on the right side of the law. Neil C Scott is the cleanest cut of the Neil Scotts, with the best teeth. If I ever get into a dispute about “complex commercial litigation, business torts, and cross-border disputes” I want him representing me.

There’s also a few British Neil Scott lawyers, but they didn’t make the top 10.

9. Neil Scott: Night Club Owner

Some of us Neil Scotts are entrepreneurial. Neil Temple Scott is the owner of Rapture nightclub in Perth, Australia and was featured in the papers after his terrible response to accusations that someone’s drink had been spiked in the club. He subsequently apologised.

More recently he has been getting into a feud with the homeless.

10. Neil Scott: Furniture Designer

Probably the coolest looking of the Neil Scotts, this one makes beautiful, sustainable bespoke furniture. Not sure if I get a discount in this universe, but it all looks very high quality.

Honourable Mentions

Here are two Neil Scotts who didn’t make the top ten:

Radio DJ Neil Scott who helps people in recovery from addiction.

And the Neil Scott who won a disputed Saturday Night Takeaway prize.

Finally, there is the socialist Neil Scott who was mentioned in my replies by the political zine, Left Ungagged:

When I saw this tweet, I was reminded how many of ‘us’there are.

Let me know if there are any others who deserve recognition.

As a post-script, when I was out on my daily walk, I saw this advert on the side of a bus, depicting someone called Neil presented as the epitome of uncool.

“Hello, Ofcom, I’ve come across some offensive ads. Yes, it’s the Neil-shaming.”

I worried that the name Neil was dying out³ and would come to be associated with the old and cringe. And, apparently, it is in terminal decline:

Is this the end of the Neil Scott multiverse? I hope not and have an idea of how to bring it back. The name originally took off in popularity after Neil Armstrong became the first man on the moon. So, Elon, if you’re reading: how about sending another intrepid Neil to Mars?

1. It really doesn’t work in the new Doctor Strange film, where the multiverse acts to remove dramatic tension rather than add delight. See Anthony Lane’s alienated review.

2. Roger’s Bacon has an excellent post on nominative determinism, referring to James C. Scott idea that the state’s insistence that people have surnames contributed to our current narcissism.

3. Check out this classic Freakonimcs episode on social status and baby names.